Creative Parenting

How to Parent Creatively and Still Have Your Child’s respect

When your six-year old comes home from school with a rip in her jeans do you:
a) explode in anger and yell
b) cry and say, “how could you they cost $x”
c) think awful thoughts and bite your bottom lip
d) say, “Wow, you must have had an exciting day.”

Being a creative parent means being the parent we always wanted, but never had.

If you chose d), then you’re a cool parent.  If you chose a), b) or c), then you’re a normal parent, because most of us were raised with un-cool parents.  We have to battle daily with ourselves to not be un-cool too.

Many of you have found/are finding out, that being a parent is the toughest job you’ll ever have.  It’s a minefield of physical demands on our time and energy you never thought possible, depths of emotion and feelings you never dreamed could exist, and mental visions of the future you never knew existed.

It’s complicated being a parent in this time of transition. Do you listen to your mum, your doctor, your child’s teacher, your dad, your mother-in-law, your own heart or your child?

Creative parenting means trusting your heart, your instinct, and your child.  If you can do that, you’re a cool parent.

When your six-year-old child wants to ride his bike around the block without you do you:

a) Say “you’re too young.”
b) Say, “I’m coming with you.”
c) Bite your lip, furrow your brow and pretend you didn’t hear.
d) Say, “I trust you to ride with care on the footpath. Take my watch and be back in five minutes. I’ll be here and I love you.” (Checking with the child he/she understands how to read the watch.)

If you answered a), b), or c), you’re a normal parent who cares deeply for your child. But your child may hear, “I don’t trust you, your not competent, you can’t live without me, the worlds dangerous.”  Is that the message you mean to give?

If you answered d), you’re cool because you’re telling your child you trust and respect his  judgement about his abilities. He will then do his best to live up to your trust. You’re giving boundaries that are clear and the means to honour them (the watch), and the knowledge that safety is just a block away because you’re waiting at home, without imposing false limitations veiled in parental concern and love/control.

Creative parenting means starting on the journey to liberate your own inner child. Your own physical children reflect back to you all that you hate and fear about yourself, and all that you love and respect, in yourself.

If you realize this you are seeing your child(ren) as unique beings, who are offering you a fantastic opportunity to heal your own self-hate and fears, and nurture your love and self-respect.

By being aware you can check yourself when your child challenges your inner fears. So that next time you’re going to visit grandma who loves her beautiful grandchild, and your child says, “I want to wear these today,” parading in the jeans with the torn knee, you edit your first reaction of, “take off those old things and put on something clean and pretty.”

Instead you feel your own inner child’s need to be true to herself, to be loved and validated. You smile with glee at your child’s budding independence and creativity and say, “Sure darling, I trust you to make a sensible decision about what you wear.”

And she thinks, “wow, what a cool mum.”

Tagged as: child, children, children are unique, creative parenting, healing inner child, inner child, parenting